i am so so sorry i forgot, ive been so bussy, that i forgot,
but thats no excuse for forgeting his birthday,
so if he reads this im soooooo sorry and here is a belated birthday wishes from me .
i havent seen him and my other to niece and nephew for almost 2 years,
lets just say the family fell apart, with lots of disagreements and anger,
but to my young nieces and nephews its not or will never be your fault,
its was the adults in the family that could not and would not act like a grown up.
i love you kids, ive seen you grow up. ive babysat them and changed their diapers,
i am so proud of what they have became, and i want them to know if they ever need anyone,
im here for ya...i never left,
it was just my time to find me, and i know that sounds like an excuse,
but i have been in a hard life, my past has not been easy,
ive i struggled most of my life with the things that have happend in my past,
its been so hard , ive been mad at the world, i hated life , i thought people where out to hurt me,
i walked life with a grudge on my shoulder, i wanted to scream ...i wanted to cry.
so in 2011 on grandma's bday.
i have a big slap in the face,
i realised that im done with the anger and sadness,
and i was done with the some of the family members walking over me and my mom.
and treating us like we where lying, thats they feeling i got,
my mother has rheumatoid arthritis,
she was and still is in a lot of pain,
and i got mad when i got the feeling that grandma was sugesting we should just get over it.
me and my mom went through hell and back in the past,
and now we are fighting rheumatoid arthritis and my problems and struggles with my past,
we both where threated like shit back in the past and we both went to hell and back,
and it aint easy to leave all of that behind,
it takes time to get over this, and live to learn with that,
but thats the feeling i got from that one phone call from grandma,
and at first i thought no..she does not mean it like that,
but when i really listent to her, i really got the bad feeling in my heart ,
i got the feeling she ment to say GET THE OVER IT.!!
i understand where she and the otherfamily members comes from , but i wished she and the other family members would understand us,
wich they wont and will never will understand anyways,
but im gonna stop here,.. one thing tho..
if some of my family members read this, (THIS IS FOR YOU)
im not sorry for saying this..cause the reality is that we never got threated right.
think about it,,..my mom was always threated like a dumbass.,
she was always stepped on by her mother my grandma and her dad my grandfather,
she was always left out in the family,
and me...in the beginning i was loved ..by you...and then when i got older i was thrown away like garbage.,
like yesterdays news.
i wanted to be part of my niece and my nephews life, but you made it hard for me to be there,
i got the feeling i was nothing.., and when i got the nerve to step up and and speak up i got shut down.
and i got the blaim for the fact that i screamed to loud...hejj to my defence ...in that family you need to scream to be heard, and i was not the only one that did that.
but yet i was the only one that got blaimed..
but im gonna stop.
cause im seeing that i am making a longggg ass blog post of this..LOL
but anyways.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOCHEM
LOVE YOU
-Nadiaah-
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