lost one

im sitting her hours behind my computer ,
being bored out my brain...and finding myself looking for my 2 other halve sisters.
my fathers new daughters.
and i find myself wanting to know why he is not calling me or coming to me.
or whatever.
i feel so naive , soo dumb , to even think even a little bit that this man even cares how it going with me.
i really do not think he is waisting his time or his breath on me.
and that hurts, cause i know this is a reality. 
and not a guess.....no its real.
this man that is supost to me dad is not thinkin about me or how i am doing.


he is living his life ,  
probably care free.
not knowing what kinda damage he and someone else has left behind in my life.
and how that messed me up so bad.
i dont even think he even will understand how i feel , or why i feel this way.
or why i am struggling to clean up the mess he and this other person made.


no he wont understand,
and that makes me sad cause this means i will never get my answers i so do deserve.
but thats ok tho...
it made me into a strong  person, and every hard piece of life may look like its breaking me.
but it the end its not breaking me.
its making me a beter , stronger person 


so i guess im beter off without him, eventho it hurts sometimes.
but its time for me to forgive and let go.
and i know that this man that is supost to be my father will never understand.
and its ok,
cause im moving on.


to my father 
you have lost one ( ME )






xoxoxo
nadia