lot on my mind

god im got sooo much on my mind right now..i can't think straight..

in 2 days i got the most inportant meeting in my life ., cause this is a meeting that will determine what will happen in my life.,

this person can force me to do something my heart is not into ,

i wanna learn and go back to school and get my diploma ,

cause yes i am a high school drop out., in my last year of high school i dropped out.

because of serrious fights i had with my then #@#$% teacher.

this bald dude(teacher) he said to me oh well give up your dreams ,

the highschool i went to was oldskool it was like boys do jobs like fixing stuff and we women give birth to children and do housekeeping and be a good little housewife.

look there is no shame in being a housewife ok., but damn there is more to life then just that.,

i wanna explore the world , meet new people , and see different cultures,

i wanna work my way op to the top ( by working hard)

and yes i wanna get married and have kids. ,

but i do not like it when other people think they have all controle over me.

i don't think anyone does.,

but this woman im gonna see in this meeting does not have any controle over my life.,

but only some aspects of my life ( financially) im said to say.,

cause i told you before im not rich, i can barely make it every year ,

i hate the fact i have to rely on them ,

i wanna make it on my own.,

but i can't , im soo stuck in my life.,

there is not f@#$ing jobs to get.,

people with jobs are struggling to keep theirs.

im getting therapy for the PTSD.

yes im gonna say it...im no longer serriously gonna be ashamed for it,.

cause i do not have to be ashamed.

i want all the people to know that whatever you are facing do not feel ashamed.

whatever anyones says .,

let the haters hate and let the ignorant live in ignorance.,

okej but im getting away again from what i was trying to tell you.,

so this woman im having a meeting with told me last week that i got a week to prepair and think about what i want to do.,

and i already told her that like 1000000000000000000000times already but oke,,

this woman does not wanna listen to me and does not wanna realise that like i said before some things take time.,

so i made a list of what i want to do, and what PTSD means,

so she can at least see it., and try to understand ( what i know she will not.)

cause like i said ignorant people will never understand others ,

but they always want you to understand their problems.,

so in about 2 days im gonna go and see if this woman will understand the fact i need time,

time to fix what someone else has broken,

time to heal what someone else has messed up.

time to accept the fact that someone took something , that wasnt theirs to take.,

i know i sound grazy sometimes.,

but i do not like to lie or pretend to be someone im not.,

i am always me.,

and besides life is to short to pretend someone your not.,

just be you.,

if others do not like it.,

well then they do not deserve you at your best.,

if they cannot see you at who you are.,

well i gotta go

thanx for stopping by.,

and sorry for dropping so much drama at you.,

but i appriciate you stopping by.,

i hope to see you again.,

love always nadia