3 years

i haven spoken to my fathers side of the family in like...well more then 10 years..and i havent spoken to my mothers side of the family in 3 years.
i thought they just left us...i thought they abandoned us.

and both side of the family's kinda did.
even if they do not wanna acknowledge it.
3 years i havent spoken to my moms side of the family until...........
Wednesday the 22th of may , i have gotten a text that said.
that my grandmother has had a mild heart attack,

and later that evening my grandmother called me,
and my heart was in my throat..and it was beating so fast.,
cause i havent spoken to this woman for 3 years,
after she did not even call to check how her own daughter ( my mother was doing)
my mom was really sick on my grandmother's birthday 3 years ago,
my mom was and still is in pain ( she has rheumatoid arthritis) and she is in constant pain) so she told my grandmother she was going home.
and i went with my mom to make sure she would get home safe,
my grandmother apparently was pretty pissed off by the fact we did not stay,

my mom said sorry and we left,
NOBODY CALLED TO CHECK HOW SHE WAS DOING NOBODY,
and now they wanna be in contact with us......im confused,
it pissed me off that my grandmother did not even bother to call.
not that day not the day after and not even a week or month after.
we did not hear a thing..
my mom tried to call after 2 weeks ,and she ingnored all of my mothers calls,
and then i called and i got the whole between the line threatment,
talk like this and ment something else..( like forcing you to do what she wants in a sweet granny voice)
and she talked me into a Guilt trip,

and that confused me more then ever.
ook i love my grandmother but i do not want to  be treated as garbage.
and i will not let my mother be treated as garbage also.,
my mother has been treated badly in her youth by her mom and dad,
mostly her mom ,
but my mom chose to forgive and move on, so she did.
all my mom wanted from my grandmother was respect and recognition,
stuff i know now she will never get, like me i want the same things from my dad, 

but like i said somewhere in my heart there is a little piece of me that still loves my grandmother, but the most part has faded,
all i wanted was for my mother to be respected and not to be threated like shit,..and in the end that is what she got shit..!!! and i really wish that was not the care,
my aunts said let it go,
but they will never know the pain my mom and my feel from the things we have been through and the pain we feel of our own blood not making it any easier on us,
all we wanted was love ., and respect ,family,

no we did not want the perfect family, but we wanted to belong,
and instead of belonging to a family we where torn apart by a stubborn woman that does not wanna admit she did wrong ,
me and my mother are not perfect.,but we will NEVER EVER  ignore our mistakes or our flaws,
if someone got hurt by our words we  admit it and appologize,
if someone got hurt by our actions we admit it and again appologize,
we threat people how we wanted to to be threated,
and yes we are still learning, cause we are far from perfect,/
and we will never be, but at least we try to threat people with dignity and respect,

me and my mom have been threated like shit,
we have been through hell and back,
we are still struggling to survive everyday.
im truly sorry for the fact the grandma is not doing well.
and  i truly do not want her to suffer,
but to my family...where were you when we needed you,
and do not come with that ..we thought you did not want contact excuse,
you know beter than that,
when i was little and my dad made my mom and my life hell.
where where you...and dont come with that excuse that she or i pushed ya'll away..there are enough family's that stick together eventho that man does not want it,
yes my father was the one that isolated us ,
we needed help...we needed ya'll...but ya'll where to be found,
but ya'll where having fun on campings and amusement parks,
and me and my mom where living in hell.

so sorry if for once my mom and i are only thinking about ourselfs,

somewhere in our hearts we still love them,
but its time to move on..after all that has been said and done,
we as a family can not be together cause yes we have love..but there is more hate and resentment.
do not think we do not care ..we do..but to be honest when we where down where were ya'll

when i was little my mom almost died.
and nobody was there....nobody..just my asshole dad.
and this man left an 6 year old alone all day long..
and nobody was there..

so again im sorry for what happend with grandma.
and i want her to  live a lonngggg time..and enjoy life,
and we are truly worried...but after 3 years what do ya'll want from us.

we have moved on.