when i grew up !

when i grew up it was hard, ive been through hell ,
ive seen things a kid my age should not have seen,
and ive been through stuff a kid should not have been going through,
its hard to even think about that, its hard to explain,

kids used to bully me because i was diffrent.
my school in holland was not a great place to be.
thank god i had one close friend ( she is still to this day my bff)
 but the kids where cruel,
some kids told me to go move back to africa, or where ever you came from.
if you look at me , you can tell i am not 100% dutch,
but i do not look dark either, and me looking diffrent made it harder i was a target to some, 
but as i grew older i got peace with the mixed person i am.
i am neither this or that, i told myself when i was little after the bullying, 

I AM BEAUTIFUL…I  AM DIFFRENT..I AM GIRL OF THE WORLD.
  PROUD TO BE MIXED AND DIFFRENT,

but it took me a while to get there and stay at there,

so my dad was not from holland he was the foreigner,
my mom was born in holland, and my parents did not stay together,
they got into so many fights, My father beat me and mother and me regularly , 
you must think why can i say this so easy now.
cause i no longer want this man to controle my life.
he has done so many bad things, he and his brother done so many bad things to others and me and my mother,

there are things that are still hard to tell, 
but as soon as i am ready i will tell my hardest lifestory ever,
but some lifestory’s are easier said then others,
if you have been through so much..you can understand that some lifestory’s are harder to tell then others,
cause it feels like some have a big 100,000,000 km stone on your back,
and you can stand up cause it weighs so much.

and other lifestory’s are easier to tell, 
cause you got to a place of peace,
and you are done with giving that negativity to much power,

and i am at that place where i am done with giving the negativity to much power ,
and im done holding my mouth shut so others that hurt me dont feel hurt or shame.
im done with protecting other people’s feelings and im opening my mouth and telling it like i see it,
cause believe me…i had enough people in my life ( that are not longer a part of my life ) that walked all over me,
and when i wanted to give my opinion they shot me down,

im done with that….2 years ago it was like i was struck by lightning,
i openend my mouth and finally did not let anyone walk over me.

how did that end up..not good.
but i rather be alone then have 100000 of backstabbers in my life,
yeah i know that sounds so sad,

but thank god ive got great true friends and sisters and mother in my life,
the rest of my family of both sides i do not speak to..why??
well im gonna tell you that later,

i gotta go..

ill be back..

thanks for stopping by

-Nadiaah-