The angry girl

i was cleaning the house the other day , and i found some of my old scrips of a book i wanted to make about  what ive been through in my life and how i feel about it.,
ive picked up a piece of paper that had scribbled handwritting on it....
and  read it.
and all i wrote back in the day was f****ck this f**ck that and f***ck everything.
i was on angry girl damn.
i now i am 27 and i still cannot believe i was that angry at the world..

i was angry at the world because i thought , i was born into a world of pain .
and that others had it out for me, cause ive been through so much as a kid.
i never had it easy.., ive seen the hardest times a person can see,
ive been literally in hell and back together with my mother,
she was and is my rock still.
if it wasnt for her i would never be the strong independent woman i am now.
yes ive been a badass...and yes i have not been the perfect one.
i made my share of mistakes over the years.

i was not perfect , i will  never be perfect. i am just me.
the dumbmistakes ive made was done by a angry part of me that was trying to keep people away from me.
and to make people scared of me , so they won't mess with me.
back then my wall was so thick and so big nobody could come in.
cause i was scared..back then i did not admit i was scared.
i was tryna be a badass, and i always walked with a air of ( i dont give a f***ck and dont tryna mess with me)

look im not saying everything was an act., im still a woman that you should not mess with.
but now im not doing it because im scared no..now im doing it because aint nobody walking over me.
in the past there where a view people that walked over me and thought they would get away with it,
and sadly they did,  that is why i made my big ass protection wall back then,

that wall is still there but it is up for the haters., 
never will someone use or abuse me..never will someone make me feel so f**ckin small.
never will someone make me feel like shit , 
never will someone make my life shit just because their live is f***cked up.
never will i let haters enter..and if they try to sneak in  I WILL KICK THEIR ASS.

but im glad tho that anger i had back in the day because of the drama and b*llsh*t is not here anymore.
it left long time ago., 
it felt like a big weight fel of my back.

but i am honest, am i angry sometimes yes i am.
but i do not hold on to it long. cause nothing is worth it...nothing.
and thats the truth.

you will always have a little anger in you.
but there will come a time when you let it go..and realize that its not worth your time ,and breath.
and my time was now.

i realized that i let it go some time ago , because of the old scrips of my book.
with all that angry talk and with all that cursing..and with all that angry sad feelings.

ive realized i had let it go now.
and im serriously glad..cause now i serriously realize that nothing is worth my time, or breath ...nothing.

and if you are reading this and you are in a difficult time.
you are not alone.
but please believe me.
dont waist you time and energy and breath on anger ,
if you have been through hell like me...im sorry to hear that.
but dont cry or be angry ..the things that happend are not worth it to be down and unhappy and angry at.
because believe me if you do this , there is a chance that you will get stuck in a place where you cannot get out of..and if you get stuck..years later you will look back and realized you have waisted time ,
just focuse on you..and focus on your life ...follow your dreams..

and know you are not alone , i am here



xoxoxo
  -nadia-