i am nadiaah

hey everyone

how r u ?

im doing good.!

I've been busy with all kindsa things ..,one of them is getting into shape with my coach.

and other finding me.., i know this sounds soo grazy.., ive lost myself years ago.

this happend when all the drama unfolded when i was a little girl.

one day im gonna be able to speak about some things that are so hard for me to speak out.
some things im giving a place in my heart and mind..things like my dad the man that neglected me the man that ruined my youth the man i call donor.

i know this is not nice for me to say but im at a point at my life that i could not care less what he thinks.
he never appologized for anything, he probably would say he did.,

but he did not .,
the only thing i ever wanted from him was my father but i did not get that .

over ther years i got peace for the fact i never had a father and im never gonna get one.

years later when i met him again after years of silence and neglect he told me he wanted to help me out with anything i needed help in.,

i told him i wanted answers about why he did what he did.

and why he called me a liar for the thing that i went through .

(THAT BY THE WAY WAS NOT A LIE , WHAT I TOLD HIM)
i was 6 or 7 and grown up.
my mom tried to let me play like a kid.., and i did sometimes.

but when my dad was there i was no kid.,

i was a scared little girl .

scared of a man that was supost to be my dad.,

a man that was supost to protect me.

a man that supost to love me regardless .

the stupid part of it all is somewhere in me i still love him.

and other big part of me hates him.

i cant keep chasing this memory.

im taking my life back.

love can be tricky.

you can love someone so much eventho they have hurt you so bad..

you keep on taking them back , thinkin they are gonna change for you.

but truly if they really loved you like they claim ,

they wouldnt have hurt you bad at all.

but someone can manipulate you so good.
to give you hope that they really love u.

they will watch you burn

and you wont mind.

they will stand there to hear u cry.

and u will let them cause u believe they love u.

but they dont ....

xoxox

nadia