love / hate

have you ever had a big first crush..?!
i did..
and this was big cause there was no guy in the planet that was interesting for me..but this this particular guy got my eye..
we had a love hate thing going.
and at the time i did not think at all i liked him and i never thought he liked me back.,
until one day my mom talk to his mother by coincidence.,
my mom did not know this was his mother until she told her about her son talkin about this kid he has been bullying around..( yup thats me)
and i never ever thought that was his way of showin he liked me..

( CAUSE LET'S BE HONEST)

bullying is not or will never be a sign that someone likes you..
so that is why i never EVAH thought the dude liked me..,
until that day..my mom talked to his mom.
and his mother basically said that he did it cause his friends thought i was weird ( i was in a group of friends that was diffrent , We were not nerds or the populair crowd , we where the chill crew that did whatevah)
and i dont know what's weird about that but i quess he and his friends thought it was weird..dumb
okej so he said to his mom he was sorry he was bullying me .
and i thought why don't you f**ckin stop then ha !!!

the bullying became less and lesser and lesser.
and it became something weird.., he was tryna frolic with me...(weird)
the stupidest part is i love when this guy and me where alone..
cause when we where alone he was himself
sweet , nice , smart, funny ,himself , respectfull.
that was the guy i knew. and i liked.
and i loved when we talked and where alone.
and when he touched me on my shoulder i felt a rush.
and i remember him lookin at me and then i knew he loved me back.
cause the guy i got to know alone was wonderfull.
but when others where between us it was terrible.
it was hatefull.,  i had enough of it..and i told myself this has no futer.
he likes me , but when others are around he is diffrent from the guy i know.

so that is how it went for years.
between us it was lovely
but between me , him and them, it was horrible.
he was like jeckyll and hyde.
one  minute he was nice and the next he was bullying me again..

this was the biggest mistake and biggest weird 1st crush ever..
i should not have tolerated that att all..,
he really did like me like i liked a part of him i saw the sweet nice funny part of him.
but i should have never let my feeling get so far as this.
somewhere i knew he would never stop doing stupid sh*t with his dumb friends.
we loved eachother ., but we hated eachother to.,
we love to hate .., we hate to love



p.s
when you are being bullied., that doesnt mean that 'that someone likes you.
you should not be in a hate love relationship for real
and one more thing abuse in a relation ship is NOT NORMAL NEITHER.
get out of it if you are in it..,
be carefull ..
love can be strange , beautiful but also dangerous.


NADIA
XOXOX

ill be back
Eminem - Love You More