i am nadiaah

heey im back !!
and there is not much going on right now with me . im sick.
ah man i hate being sick..
but hej it happens and im not gonna complain about it..
but i wanted to come tru and write some stuff.
sunday the 10th of januari my nephew jochem will be fifteen years old,.
ive seen him grow up . from little dude till the teenager he is now..
and im almost 25 and i feel old LOL...
but i feel time goes fast..
i remember growing up without my mom's part of the family.
if im ready to tell you why me and my mom where not with them i will tell you..
but lets say we did not see them for a long ass time...
so i was 10 years old when we moved.. and we got to be part of that part of the family.
we where recieved by a family who where happy to see us..
i finnaly thought i had a family i could just be me with,
a family i could spend time with and hollidays with..
quess i was naief.

the first years where great..
i spend all my time with my little niece and nephews.
whom i love more then life it self.
and i hope they understand and believe me..when i say i love them with all my heart.
i always loved babysitting them,
telling them story's not from books just made up from scratch.
i loved spending time with them , they needed and wanted me..to be around.
now off cource there older now and teenager and are independent.
im proud of what they are doing and i believe in them .. and always will i be here for them..

but the thing i wonder is i have a niece who is a year younger then me.
and we used to get along ,.
but now its seems , she hates me.
i dont know why i feel that way,
but lets say i dont feel the love from some parts of my family.
like my dad or my aunts.
im gonna be honest,
i know they could read this.
and they can get mad,
but this is how i feel.
i feel like i dont belong with this family and neither does my mom.
i always felt like i was diffrent then them.
i never matched up with them, or like im not at there level.
and that fuckin hurts so bad.
and specialy when they tell you , i love you and i you need me im here,
but when you need there ass,
there not there..
that fuckin hurts.
i know they have lifes of there own.
but im not asking much.
just when you tell me that you are here for me ,
THEN BE HERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED YA ASS.

but fuck that !!
i can do this shit by myself..
but i truly have sooooo much love for my nieces and nephews
jochem ,alexandra,mike .hannah.luca.
and my friends jessica .jennifer,anushka.
and to the to women in my life.
my mom and grandmother.
I LOVE YOU REMEMBER THAT.